coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
