STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize