I'm eating all of the evidence.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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