Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
These tits shall not be calmed
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