I met the friendliest cop last night
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize