also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
