btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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