Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
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