I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
oh god the rape fog is back!
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
