the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
