dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize