Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
