Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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