ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
