____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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