never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
