11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
