What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
