No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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