The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
