im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I AM VODKA MAN
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Randomize
