yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
