Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
