How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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