I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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