i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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