sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
