Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
