fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
