My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
