he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
