I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
