I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
