yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Shitshow foam night was such a success
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
