just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
