I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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