Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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