It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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