wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
