I feel great
I just peed on a car
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
