Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
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