He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
