I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
