i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
