Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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