Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Randomize
