Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
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