I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
