If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
