that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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