I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
FUCK WHALES
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