So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
