He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
