How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
