Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
