Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
