it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
