Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
