Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
