I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
