I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
