Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
