Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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