I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
