Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I love you. Go after that dick
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