I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize