home. puking in laundry basket.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
