Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
