i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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