i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize