My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
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