you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
