he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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