it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
