We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
