Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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