forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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