btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
