when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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