Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
