I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
