I puked a lego.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
