Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
