so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
