so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She just used a chaser for red wine.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
