You smell like a Billy Joel song
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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