WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize