Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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