Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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