Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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