i'm signing you up for texting rehab
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
