The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
