omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize