I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
